无老师优秀范例:Without a doubt, environment matters. A clean and beautiful environment concerns the health of everybody—the working men and women, children, our bright future, and the elderly. Atmosphere full of dust and toxic gas will lead to lung disease; water without careful disinfection will lead to bacteria disease; food grew in poisoned soil or suffered from excess pesticide will lead to all kinds of diseases to people’s organisms and eventually, destroys them. Environment is one of the major factors to one’s health or, survival. Government must pay 100% attention to it otherwise one day the country can no longer develop because their people die out. It is responsible for its citizens’ health and happiness, two essential parts of life that environment both play important roles in, so they must take action. To protect the environment is to protect the country’s brighter future. 无老师优秀翻译:毫无疑问,环境影响很大。一个清洁和美丽的环境关系到每一个人的健康——(包括)工人,孩子,也就是我们未来的主人翁,以及老人。一个满是灰尘和有毒气体的环境,将会导致肺病;没有灭菌的水将会导致(细菌)疾病;生长在有毒土壤和过量杀虫剂里面的食物将会是人类的器官染上各种各样的疾病,并且最终(使器官)坏死。环境是我们的健康和生存的一个重要因素。政府必须密切关注环境问题,否则有一天,我们的国家的发展将会停滞,因为人民已经消失。(环境)它要对人民的健康和幸福负责,(而健康和幸福)是生活的两个必要的组成部分,环境对于他们两者都起到了很重要的作用,所以我们必须采取行动。保护环境,就是保护我们国家的未来。、 无老师平庸范例:No doubt that the environment is very important! A clean and beautiful environment is connected to anyone’s health- workers, children, who are our future, and elders. The environment that is full of dust and poisonous gas will lead to lung disease; the infected water will lead to bacteria disease; the food which grows in the poisonous soil and too many pesticides will lead to many diseases in humans’ organisms, at the end the organisms will die. The environment is very important to our health and life. The government should notice it, or one day, our country will stop, because our people have died. The environment should be responsible for people’s health and happiness, and they are two important parts of our life, and the environment is important to both of them, so we must take actions. Protecting the environment is protecting our future. 从腐朽化神奇,再从神奇化腐朽。今天的作文巨讲堂就是这种感觉吧,优秀范例没感觉有什么特别吸引人的,但是当我们一看平庸范例的时候,就发现原来我们写的跟平庸范例很相似哦!而且更有趣的是,平庸范例和我们的作文都好差哦!比较才产生美吗,你说是不,伯虎? 第一句,优秀范例就是生在自己的简洁!能用一个词说明白,绝对不用两个词,就像李小龙一样,干净利落!优秀范例Without a doubt, environment matters.对比平庸范例No doubt that the environment is very important!优秀范例的一个matters一次性就将平庸范例的is very important挑落马下! 第二句的优点,则是写得很地道!优秀范例A clean and beautiful environment concerns the health of everybody—the working men and women, children, our bright future, and the elderly.对比平庸范例A clean and beautiful environment is connected to anyone’s health- workers, children, who are our future, and elders.显然优秀范例里面的一个concern就像上一句的matter一样,轻松挑落平庸范例的is connected to。而且小伙伴们要注意到,优秀范例里面的逻辑思路也是极为地道的!前一句的matter,这一句的concern,后面的suffered from和survival,无不是这个特征的典型代表!这只有像无老师私塾里面的小伙伴们一样,有很多的原版书来读,才能解决这个问题!私塾的小伙伴们,一定要养成抓私塾图书馆里面的原版书来读的好习惯哦! 接下来优秀范例写出的working men and women其实质酸还好,但是后面的children, our bright future一个同位语,用our bright future来解释children,很漂亮!至于最后的the elderly就是水到渠成了。但是能想到用破折号来对与前面的everybody来进行补出,这个是非常大的亮点!使得句子的内涵和外延体现得很充分,不是例子,胜似例子! 第三句话厉害了!优秀范例Atmosphere full of dust and toxic gas will lead to lung disease; water without careful disinfection will lead to bacteria disease; food grew in poisoned soil or suffered from excess pesticide will lead to all kinds of diseases to people’s organisms and eventually, destroys them.对比平庸范例The environment that is full of dust and poisonous gas will lead to lung disease; the infected water will lead to bacteria disease; the food which grows in the poisonous soil and too many pesticides will lead to many diseases in humans’ organisms, at the end the organisms will die.优秀范例太强大了!很少见的定语后置都出现了!想一想,我们经常写的很有可能是用have或者with来表示atmosphere里面有什么,但是优秀范例竟然能想到把full of dust and toxic gas这个定语放在Atmosphere后面,这个太强大了!因为这完全不符合中文的语序,能想到实在太难了!然后当说到生病的时候,作者直接用了lead to,想一想,我们经常很有可能写的是have diseases,这种因果逻辑式的思维方式,是英文区别与中文的最大的特征,把握住这点,其实托福作文就已经小成了。接下来的water without careful disinfection只能感叹作者的单词量够好,而且想法够细腻!而且一个很有趣的点是作者的词汇量也不是那么丰富,但是他能把已有的词汇进行很好地整合,这里的例子就是lung disease和bacteria disease,其实作者都不会专业名词,因此就用这样的小把戏躲过去了,无伤大雅。 接下来的后置定语grew in poisoned soil or suffered from excess pesticide两个后置定语并列,已经进入长难句级别了,很强大,而且作者在这里为了显示自己驾驭词汇的能力,还特意用了两个动词grew、suffered,然后配以poisoned soil和excess pesticide,就充分显示出自己的词汇量的还不错了,不是很强大, 但是还不错。而且作者细腻的思路,还想到了organisms以及最后的eventually, destroys这个就很厉害了,因为很多人之所以写不出优秀的作文,就是因为想不到这一层,而本文的作者不仅能想到,而且还能写出来,简直就是双剑合璧谁与争锋! 接下来2句话,优秀范例Environment is one of the major factors to one’s health or, survival. Government must pay 100% attention to it otherwise one day the country can no longer develop because their people die out.对比平庸范例The environment is very important to our health and life. The government should notice it, or one day, our country will stop, because our people have died.首先优秀范例能想到这个用法factors to,这个就很难得了,更难得的是作者已经突破了中文的限制,用好了survival这个词,这是非常难得的!这个词在词典里的意思是“幸存”的意思,但是实际上英文中的意思,更像是“挣扎的活下来,历尽苦难活下来”有穷人好不容易活下来的一层意思,但是“幸存”就只剩下劫后余生的意思了,因此这里的survival用的很好!至于下一句话,亮点不多,只是最后的die out,有点夸张而已。 最后两句话,优秀范例It is responsible for its citizens’ health and happiness, two essential parts of life that environment both play important roles in, so they must take action. To protect the environment is to protect the country’s brighter future.对比平庸范例The environment should be responsible for people’s health and happiness, and they are two important parts of our life, and the environment is important to both of them, so we must take actions. Protecting the environment is protecting our future.第一句话,亮点颇多相比于平庸范例的people指的很泛泛,不够明确,优秀范例的citizens就指向市民,公民这个特征,指向很明确。接下来的同位语two essential parts of life,本身词汇上没有亮点,但是亮点在作者的思路指出了health and happiness对人本身的作用,这很难得,这才有接下来的play important roles in这个固定搭配的出现,否则这个固定搭配就没了。最后一句的To protect the environment看似没有亮点,但是对比平庸范例的的很僵硬的,又用doing+宾语的方式来做主语,就显得To protect the environment这种方式的少见了。而且作者最后又提出了brighter future,呼应了前面写到的children, our bright future就是一大亮点了!前后呼应,高!实在是高!