无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2014年03月号)

无老师优秀范例:First and foremost, the headache of traffic jam is the primary reason for the potential decrease in ownership of cars. In the past decade, the city, whether in developing or developed countries, had witnessed a booming economy, a flourishing civilization, and unfortunately, a ballooning traffic jam. Almost all city dwellers are bothered more or less by traffic jams, which kept them away from being a punctual worker, a punctual date, or a punctual friend. Consider how many people are scolded by their bosses, dumped by their dates, or criticized by their friends, simply because of being late. And why were we late? None of us intended to be a late bird, not to mention plotting it. More often than not, it is the traffic to blame. And what will happen if the victims of traffic jams are hurt again and again? They stop driving cars, or advising their sons to take buses or railways instead of cars. Indeed, this tendency agrees with a principle of economics: when there is excessive supply—that is, more cars than the road can take-there will be a decrease in this supply. Therefore, the result of traffic jam is a gradual decrease in car ownership. 无老师优秀中文翻译:首先,塞车的困扰已经成为人们买车的潜在担忧的主要原因。在过去的10年之中,不管是发展中国家还是发达国家的城市,都已经目睹了蓬勃的经济,繁荣的文化,当然,很不幸的是还有爆发的交通堵塞。几乎所有城市的居民都或多或少受到了塞车的困扰,使得他们上班,约会和会友很难准时。想一想如此多的人被自己的老板苛责,被恋人抛弃,被朋友批评,只是因为迟到。但是,我们为什么会迟到呢?没有人会想成为晚起鸟,更不要说有意为之。大多数情况下,都是因为堵车,尤其是当交通拥堵的受害者一次又一次受到伤害之后,到底会发生什么呢?他们就不会再开车了,或者会直接告诫他们的孩子去乘公交或者地铁,而不是开车(出行)。确实,这样的趋势与经济原理是一致的:当供给过度——也就是,汽车比道路更多——供给就会减少。因此,交通拥堵的结果就是买车的人逐渐减少。 无老师平庸范例:First of all, the traffic jam is the first reason to stop people when they want to buy a car. In the past ten years, all the developing countries’ and developed countries’ cities have seen great economy, good culture. Of course, unfortunately we also have big traffic jams. Almost all the cities’ people have problems in the big traffic jams, make them hard to get to the work, date, and the friend party on time. We should think about that so many people were criticized by their bosses, disliked by their girlfriends, hated by their friends, just because of the traffic jams. But why will we be late? Nobody wants to be late, but also does not plan it. In most cases, that all comes from traffic jams, especially when they were hurt by the traffic jams again and again, what will happen? They would not drive a car again, or they may directly tell their sons to take a bus or take the subway, but not to drive a car. Indeed, this tendency is the same with the economy tendency: when we give more supply--that is, the cars is more than the road—the supply will be decreased. So, the traffic jams will make less people to buy cars. 其实当我们看优秀作文看得越多,我们就越会发现,其实托福考试的标准是一个成体系的完整的闭环,当你某一个点特别优秀,就像是雨人出现的时候,你有可能会取得很好的成绩。与此同时你如果仅仅作为一个优秀的平凡人,积极地去迎合托福考试的标准的时候,也可以取得很好的成绩,当然,大多数情况下取得高分的人,其实也没有摸清托福考试的标准,而只是误打误撞的自己的风格,恰好符合了托福考试的口味而取得很好的成绩。 今天这篇作文,就很好的诠释了这一点,在本片作文之中,作者并没有用很多很夸张的句式,而是用一种接近于演讲的,相对随意的句式结构告诉我们,只要写的很地道,那么就恢复和托福考试的口味,在本段文章中小伙伴们尤其要注意作者的句式结构和风骚的用词,很有味道! 首先第一句,优秀范例First and foremost, the headache of traffic jam is the primary reason for the potential decrease in ownership of cars.对比平庸范例First of all, the traffic jam is the first reason to stop people when they want to buy a car.小伙伴们就会发现,平庸范例用词的贫乏。在表示“问题”的时候,优秀范例灵活的用到了headache这个词,+1分!然后primary reason其实只能算是正常水平,但是其实优秀范例最亮眼的就是for the potential decrease在这里首先优秀范例没有用很常见的of,而使用了for,,当然更重要的是风骚的用到了potential这个词,来表明未来的趋势,十分的惊艳!然后坐着又是于无声处听惊雷,使出了in ownership of cars,而不是像平庸范例很臃肿的写出when they want to buy a car,平庸范例7个词才讲清楚的事情,我3个词就写清楚了,而且还没有用到麻烦的从句来影响理解,功力深厚! 第二句,优秀范例In the past decade, the city, whether in developing or developed countries, had witnessed a booming economy, a flourishing civilization, and unfortunately, a ballooning traffic jam.对比平庸范例In the past ten years, all the developing countries’ and developed countries’ cities have seen great economy, good culture.我们发现优秀范例简直就是一个单词的秀场!一大波一大波的词汇扑面而来!首先是decade,然后是witness,booming,flourishing, civilization,最后是ballooning。词汇量好,而且还用的准确,是王道啊!不仅如此,优秀范例竟然还能增加句式的灵活性,使出whether in developing or developed countries,这几乎就是万能的啊,可以用在任何作文之中。作者,你是怎么做到的?平庸范例的用词啊!挖一个坑自己把自己埋了吧! 第三句,沿承上一句的风格,优秀范例Almost all city dwellers are bothered more or less by traffic jams, which kept them away from being a punctual worker, a punctual date, or a punctual friend.平庸范例Of course, unfortunately we also have big traffic jams. Almost all the cities’ people have problems in the big traffic jams, make them hard to get to the work, date, and the friend party on time.哎呀妈呀!平庸范例再埋自己一次吧!看你的用词啊,驴唇不对马嘴!get to the work, date, and the friend party这一串你想表达的到底是什么意思啊!回头来看优秀范例,又是一串亮词city dweller,bothered,然后用more or less进行限定,接下来又马上给出keep away from的固定搭配,最后再用一连串的punctual来告诉每一名小伙伴,多背单词吧!快!快拿小本记下来! 第四句,优秀范例Consider how many people are scolded by their bosses, dumped by their dates, or criticized by their friends, simply because of being late.对比平庸范例We should think about that so many people were criticized by their bosses, disliked by their girlfriends, hated by their friends, just because of the traffic jams.是的,作者就像一个风情万种的凤凰一样,无尽的挥洒着自己的羽毛(单词量)are scolded by,dumped by,criticized by,同样是表示“批评”这个意思,竟然用了3种不同的表达方式,而且里面有2个我们还要去查词典!我们要去查词典,而人家已能够游刃有余的运用,这是多大的差距啊。差距有多大,对比平庸范例的criticized by,disliked by和hated by所体现出来的情感上的差别之大,我们就能体会到自己真的是差得很远。因为criticized by是批评,这个就情感上来说,只能是觉得你不对,但是不会上升到家国恨的程度,而最后的hated by就有憎恨的意思了,这个意思就差得很远了。你的朋友怎么会恨你呢,你说是不,这就是用词不当,这里的用词不当就类似于说一个人很高兴,用了“含笑九泉”是一样的。最后,优秀范例又用simply because of being late,请注意这里也仅仅使用了一个because of这样一个固定搭配,而没有兴师动众的用从句。纵观本篇文章,我们就会发现作者其实没有用多少从句,句子本身的伸展靠的都是意思本身的推动,很有我们看TPO阅读的感觉。能简单就简单,能不用从句,就不用从句,让每一个单词所表达的意思最大化,向充满的热气球那么大!而我们做的更多是把一堆干别的热气球堆在一起,然后幻想着他们飞起来的样子。 下一句And why were we late?就不用比较了吧,没太多可说的。 第六句和第七句其实是一个整体。优秀范例None of us intended to be a late bird, not to mention plotting it. More often than not, it is the traffic to blame.平庸范例就要断开句子了Nobody wants to be late, but also does not plan it. In most cases, that all comes from traffic jams,首先None of us会让我们惊叫一声,对啊!Nobody还可以这么说,之后的intended to be其实是每个人都能想到的,但是接下来的a late bird则是让我们下巴掉到了地上!怎么可能作者竟然从早起鸟推出了一个a late bird,怎么想到的?真是天马行空啊!快快跪拜一下!然后把Nobody wants to be late, but also does not plan it.这句话抄在小本子上。接下来的not to mention已经够惊艳了!其后的plot就让我们气呼呼的又去查了一下词典,原来这个单词还有“意图,谋划”的意思!你牛!下一句More often than not快点拿本子记下来,“在大多数情况下”的意思,最后it is the XXX to blame,在记下来,作者已经脱离了中文的束缚,可以在英文的海洋里傲游了。再次跪拜!平庸范例呢?刨坑吧。 第八句和第九句,相对中庸,优秀范例And what will happen if the victims of traffic jams are hurt again and again? They stop driving cars, or advising their sons to take buses or railways instead of cars.对比平庸范例especially when they were hurt by the traffic jams again and again, what will happen? They would not drive a car again, or they may directly tell their sons to take a bus or take the subway, but not to drive a car.作者只是小秀了一下词汇量victims,但是细一想又不对,其实我们平时经常会写because of the problem of XXXXXX来表达的内容,作者竟然一个victims就表达清楚了,真是让我等汗颜!其后的advising和instead of只能算是正常发挥。 最后两句,真的是完全达到了TPO的水平,优秀范例Indeed, this tendency agrees with a principle of economics: when there is excessive supply—that is, more cars than the road can take-there will be a decrease in this supply. Therefore, the result of traffic jam is a gradual decrease in car ownership.平庸范例Indeed, this tendency is the same with the economy tendency: when we give more supply--that is, the cars is more than the road—the supply will be decreased. So, the traffic jams will make less people to buy cars.首先就是用agrees with表达“与XXX一致”这让人很惊艳!完全没想过还能这么用,小伙伴们是不是看了平庸范例的is the same with才明白原作者的意思。接下来a principle of只能算是水到渠成,但是作者能用出principle这个词,也已经很强大了。接下来excessive supply,又是两个词又是表达出了平庸范例give more supply3个词才表达的意思,而且平庸范例的3个词其实是表意不清的,就是缺少一个被比较方,到底比谁多,没有说。因此优秀范例的excessive完胜! 接下来作者灵动的句式—that is, more cars than the road can take-再次让人刮目相看!我们根本写不出来,甚至读懂都有困难!作者的领先优势大的太夸张了!然后作者又把decrease这个常见的动词,用了他的名词词性,写出了a decrease in再次显示出自己的功力。最后作者用the result of,而没有用because,保证了句子的简洁性,用gradual显示出接下来的趋势,以及最后用了完全的名词性in car ownership,表达出了平庸范例里面,只有动用动词才表达出的buy cars。一句话里3个亮点,岂有不满分的可能! 高山仰止,指的就是这样的作文!膜拜吧!满分作文!