无老师优秀范例：Another reason for the decrease in cars, as far as I am concerned, is the improvement in its alternatives. In order to solve the traffic problem, government had implemented a gamut of proposals in the improving conditions of buses, subways, and railways. Take the subway for example. People are encouraged to take subway because of its reasonable price, its better environment, and, more importantly, its punctuality. As more and more people are choosing subways over cars, it is evident that in 20 years, there will be fewer cars on the street.
无老师优秀翻译：小汽车减少的另外一个原因，在我看来，是他的替代品的改善。为了解决交通问题，政府已经提出了很多建议在改善公交、地铁、以及高速公路的条件上。以地铁举例，人们被鼓励去乘地铁，因为它合理的价格，更好的环境，以及更重要的是它的准时。随着越来越多的人选择地铁而不是私家车，很明显再接下来20年马路上的小汽车将会减少。
无老师平庸范例：The reason why cars will decrease for me is the improvement of their alternatives. Because they want to solve the traffic problem, the government have many suggestions about improving the bus, subway, and the railways. For example, people are encouraged to take subway, because it’s good price, better environment, and more important at it’s on time. With more and more people taking subway not the cars, it is obvious that there will be less cars on the road.
闲时重读《围城》，会发现这本书好像穿越了时代。几十年前的事情，好像发生在今天一样，只是细读之时，又发现于今日不同，但今天却也能看懂。下面这段就是，
鸿渐又惊又笑，想这是从古已然的道理，沈太太不该到现在出席了妇女大会才学会--"从前男性所做的职业，国会议员、律师、报馆记者、飞机师等等，女性都会做
想一想这段话如果这么说：
鸿渐又惊又笑，【想一想就知道击败前就已经是这样了】，沈太太不该到现在出席了妇女大会才【明白的】--"从前男性所做的职业，国会议员、律师、【报社记者】、【飞行员】等等，女性都会做
是不是这样改过之后，小伙伴们就感觉，跟现在的说话方式比较相似了。
这其实就是遣词造句上的变化，而给人带来的感觉上的不同，同时这也就是我们对自己的作文应该注意到的点，也就是我们应该选用怎样的词句进入我们的作文，只有在这个层面把握好了，我们才能在托福考试当中拿到高分。
今天这段作文就是这样，初读起来感觉不明显，但是与平庸范例比较起来，才发现原来我们平时写的都是平庸范例，而优秀作文原来是要这么写才好。
首先第一句，优秀范例Another reason for the decrease in cars, as far as I am concerned, is the improvement in its alternatives.对比平庸范例The reason why cars will decrease for me is the improvement of their alternatives.在本句话之中，显然优秀范例的another显示出了与前面一段内容的承接，起到了逻辑连接的作用，但是在平庸范例就没有做到这一点，而且优秀范例还用到了for the decrease将这个常见的动词给名词化，显示出本文的书面化，接下来又是用, as far as I am concerned,将句子断开，是的句子不会读起来很长，很累，加一分！而且其实最难得的是优秀范例想到了alternatives这个词，特指一对一的替换，用词非常准确。
第二句，优秀范例In order to solve the traffic problem, government had implemented a gamut of proposals in the improving conditions of buses, subways, and railways.对比平庸范例Because they want to solve the traffic problem, the government have many suggestions about improving the bus, subway, and the railways.首先solve the，这一个the就特指前面提到的交通问题，起到了承上启下的作用。在这里平庸范例总是在用Because，真的是让人看腻了，前前后后总是不换词，就好像好久不洗的袜子，虽然总还是袜子，但是不免令人生厌。不像是优秀范例In order to改变了句式，而且还很好的引出后半句话，治愈后半句话，句式上并无亮点，只是作者疯狂的秀自己的单词量implement、a gamut of、proposal，而且还想到了improving conditions来搭配buses, subways, and railways，这是我们自己写的时候，总是想不到的。
第三句，优秀范例Take the subway for example. People are encouraged to take subway because of its reasonable price, its better environment, and, more importantly, its punctuality.，对比平庸范例For example, people are encouraged to take subway, because it’s good price, better environment, and more important at it’s on time.跟上一句话一样，优秀范例的作者再次用特指the subway，这里的the指前一句出现的内容，英文作文就是要这样，句与句之间，一定要环环相扣，否则就是让人一头雾水，看不懂里面的逻辑。
其实在这里的平庸范例，无老师故意又卖了一个乖，继续用because，而优秀范例很简单的用了because of+名词结构，使得句子结构简化，看起来也不会很累。至于这里的its reasonable price和more importantly, its punctuality，就是优秀范例的作者再次掉书袋了。^_^平庸范例的on time也不是说不好，但是人家有准确的一个词punctuality，你这里再用口语化的on time，就显得不够好了。
第四句，优秀范例As more and more people are choosing subways over cars, it is evident that in 20 years, there will be fewer cars on the street.对比平庸范例With more and more people taking subway not the cars, it is obvious that there will be less cars on the road.
显然本句话，又是围绕着subways展开的。这里优秀范例的优点是在于一个小over完爆了not the，简洁取胜。然后优秀范例一个it is evident that增加了局势的多样性，平庸范例在这里做的只能是模仿罢了。
平庸范例，你就追吧，我已经跑远了！^_^
想一想这段话如果这么说：
鸿渐又惊又笑，【想一想就知道击败前就已经是这样了】，沈太太不该到现在出席了妇女大会才【明白的】--"从前男性所做的职业，国会议员、律师、【报社记者】、【飞行员】等等，女性都会做
是不是这样改过之后，小伙伴们就感觉，跟现在的说话方式比较相似了。
这其实就是遣词造句上的变化，而给人带来的感觉上的不同，同时这也就是我们对自己的作文应该注意到的点，也就是我们应该选用怎样的词句进入我们的作文，只有在这个层面把握好了，我们才能在托福考试当中拿到高分。
今天这段作文就是这样，初读起来感觉不明显，但是与平庸范例比较起来，才发现原来我们平时写的都是平庸范例，而优秀作文原来是要这么写才好。
首先第一句，优秀范例Another reason for the decrease in cars, as far as I am concerned, is the improvement in its alternatives.对比平庸范例The reason why cars will decrease for me is the improvement of their alternatives.在本句话之中，显然优秀范例的another显示出了与前面一段内容的承接，起到了逻辑连接的作用，但是在平庸范例就没有做到这一点，而且优秀范例还用到了for the decrease将这个常见的动词给名词化，显示出本文的书面化，接下来又是用, as far as I am concerned,将句子断开，是的句子不会读起来很长，很累，加一分！而且其实最难得的是优秀范例想到了alternatives这个词，特指一对一的替换，用词非常准确。
第二句，优秀范例In order to solve the traffic problem, government had implemented a gamut of proposals in the improving conditions of buses, subways, and railways.对比平庸范例Because they want to solve the traffic problem, the government have many suggestions about improving the bus, subway, and the railways.首先solve the，这一个the就特指前面提到的交通问题，起到了承上启下的作用。在这里平庸范例总是在用Because，真的是让人看腻了，前前后后总是不换词，就好像好久不洗的袜子，虽然总还是袜子，但是不免令人生厌。不像是优秀范例In order to改变了句式，而且还很好的引出后半句话，治愈后半句话，句式上并无亮点，只是作者疯狂的秀自己的单词量implement、a gamut of、proposal，而且还想到了improving conditions来搭配buses, subways, and railways，这是我们自己写的时候，总是想不到的。
第三句，优秀范例Take the subway for example. People are encouraged to take subway because of its reasonable price, its better environment, and, more importantly, its punctuality.，对比平庸范例For example, people are encouraged to take subway, because it’s good price, better environment, and more important at it’s on time.跟上一句话一样，优秀范例的作者再次用特指the subway，这里的the指前一句出现的内容，英文作文就是要这样，句与句之间，一定要环环相扣，否则就是让人一头雾水，看不懂里面的逻辑。
其实在这里的平庸范例，无老师故意又卖了一个乖，继续用because，而优秀范例很简单的用了because of+名词结构，使得句子结构简化，看起来也不会很累。至于这里的its reasonable price和more importantly, its punctuality，就是优秀范例的作者再次掉书袋了。^_^平庸范例的on time也不是说不好，但是人家有准确的一个词punctuality，你这里再用口语化的on time，就显得不够好了。
第四句，优秀范例As more and more people are choosing subways over cars, it is evident that in 20 years, there will be fewer cars on the street.对比平庸范例With more and more people taking subway not the cars, it is obvious that there will be less cars on the road.
显然本句话，又是围绕着subways展开的。这里优秀范例的优点是在于一个小over完爆了not the，简洁取胜。然后优秀范例一个it is evident that增加了局势的多样性，平庸范例在这里做的只能是模仿罢了。
平庸范例，你就追吧，我已经跑远了！^_^