无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2015年09月号)

无老师优秀范例:Beyond enormous obvious reasons, however, there lies a more in-depth cause that no one can success without working hard.You can't hope the solution will come to you by itself just because you are creative while you don't even have a plan to work it out. Even those great minds like Newton and Einstein, who have superior creativity to all of us, made careful plan before they starting working on some problems, otherwise they would be just wasting their talent. So as normal people we are, it's more important for us to have a careful plan before we start. 无老师优秀范例:但是,除了如此之多显而易见的原因之外,其实这里还有一个更深刻的原因,那就是没有一个人可以在不付出努力的情况下就取得成功。你不要妄想解决方案自己出现在你眼前,仅仅因为你很有创造力,当你完全没有一个解决方案的时候。哪怕是那些伟大的先贤如牛顿和爱因斯坦,他们都对于全人类有杰出的创造性,都会在开始解决问题之前做出详细的规划,否则,他们也只是在浪费自己的天赋。所以,如我们这样的常人,在我们开始之前,对于我们来说,更重要的是要有详细的计划。 无老师平庸范例:But,except some many obvious reasons, there is a deeper reason, no one can make their success when they do not work hard. You could not hope that the solution will come to you by itself, just because you are creative when you do not have a plan. Even those talents like Newton and Einstein, they make creativity for the world, will make good plan before they start to work, or they just wasted their talent. So our normal people, before we start, should make a good plan. 无老师精析:不同的优秀作文,是有不同的,优点的。同时,不同的优秀作文,我们可模仿的内容,也是因人而异。今天这篇文章的特点,就是模板化程度很高,非常适合水平不是特别高的小伙伴来模仿的。 首先,第一句,优秀范例Beyond enormous obvious reasons, however, there lies a more in-depth cause that no one can success without working hard.对比平庸范例But,except some many obvious reasons, there is a deeper reason, no one can make their success when they do not work hard.显然,优秀范例的开头,就非常的模板化,非常适合直接拿过来用,很适合作为第四段的开头,因为在2、3段已经论述了两个观点的情况下,这里提出Beyond enormous obvious reasons,就非常的恰当,恰好说明,自己接下来还有自己新的观点要提出。然后接下来,又是一个超赞的模板化句子there lies a more in-depth cause that,这两个部分都是可以直接拿过来,用在自己的作文之中的,绝对加分!绝对精彩!写了这么多,才亮出自己的观点no one can success without working hard.而且这个部分写得非常的简洁 第二句,优秀范例:You can't hope the solution will come to you by itself just because you are creative while you don't even have a plan to work it out.对比平庸范例You could not hope that the solution will come to you by itself, just because you are creative when you do not have a plan.本句对比下来,我们会发现平庸范例与优秀范例没有什么差别,这是因为平庸范例,就是按照中文翻译再翻译成英文的。本句话当然跟上一句话相同,也是模板化程度非常高,前半句,You can't hope the solution will come to you by itself,几乎可以用于任何一个解决问题型的题目。赞~\(≧▽≦)/~!然后甩出just because来引出原因。最后再加一个while进行条件的限制,当然如果小伙伴们不想加限制条件的话,也可以。对于本句话来说,最后的work it out,一个地道的固定搭配,也是一个加分的亮点。 第三句,优秀范例Even those great minds like Newton and Einstein, who have superior creativity to all of us, made careful plan before they starting working on some problems, otherwise they would be just wasting their talent.对比平庸范例Even those talents like Newton and Einstein, they make creativity for the world, will make good plan before they start to work, or they just wasted their talent.其实当我们在写作文的时候,很多人在追求单纯的长句,觉得句子越长越复杂,就是高分。其实这也是一个很大的误区,对于托福作文来说,这句话的长度,已经算是非常长了,建议70%以上的句子,不要超过这个长度,否则,不管是读者还是阅卷人都会比较疲劳。回到本句话,为了减少读者的疲劳感,作者就通过逗号来调整句子的节奏。首先主语部分当说到名人先贤的时候,作者没有很泛泛的用famous person或者scientist这样的字眼,而是用great minds,非常新颖,让人眼前一亮。不仅如此,作者还用like对于主语进行更加细致的修饰,举出两位名人Newton and Einstein。接下来漂亮了!一个从句,既展示了自己的词汇量superior creativity,也调节了句子的节奏,一举两得。 然后才甩出句子真正的谓语made,而且进行了精细的时间限定before they starting working on,写得非常的细致。然后,最后,又告诉你不这样做的话,你就是在浪费你自己的天赋! 最后一句,优秀范例So as normal people we are, it's more important for us to have a careful plan before we start.对比平庸范例So our normal people, before we start, should make a good plan.看!优秀范例又在秀句型!as位于句首,句子部分倒装!知道啦!你见多识广啦!高分给你!给你!给你!都给你!然后一个接近于固定搭配的more…for sb to do something,再一次证明,我能驾驭很多句型哦!然后在最后收尾的时候,也没有